


Untitled!Birthday Fic

by heyerruh



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-07
Updated: 2012-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-29 03:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyerruh/pseuds/heyerruh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is truly important to you when you dare to think that you won't be around for long?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled!Birthday Fic

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first one shot I ever wrote for the fandom. I wrote it mostly for myself, to see if I could really do this.  
> Thank you Mixa for encouraging me. You rock, bb.

Today’s his birthday and for all intents and purposes, he should be downstairs, playing the perfect host and entertaining the friends and family who came to celebrate with him but it got to a point that everything got a bit much and he just wanted a while for himself. He’s not going to go emo on himself or some other rot. He just wants time to think and to remind himself what life’s about.

It’s not everyday a person turns thirty. Some may say that life’s just starting for him but for someone like Kris, someone who’s always done what he thinks he’s expected to do, life seems a whole lot shorter. Most people his age wouldn’t even bother thinking about how the next thirty years of their lives would be but Kris can’t help but think of a few things. He suddenly starts humming one of the songs from his first album and the image of an airplane falling from the sky and missed chances comes to his mind. Days before today, he’s been thinking so much. He’s not sick or dying but he keeps asking questions related to the mortality of man. What is truly important to me when I dare remind myself that I am human and wouldn’t be around for very long? It’s a question he’s been trying to address and he tries by living his life the way he wants to.

Kris thinks that maybe that’s the reason why he asked Katy for a divorce. It wasn’t that he was unhappy or that they were having problems. It was just that their marriage wasn’t what they wanted it to be. Katy had always said when they were younger that the flame that is their love, so cheesy and yet so true for Kris at that time, would never die and that when they got older said flame would still be ablaze with how much they care for each other. Now that he thinks about it, it’s highly probable that they were either high at that time or sadly really just truly and stupidly in love with each other but love passed and the flame died. They couldn’t blame each other. Kris didn’t blame Katy for not really going for the life of being just the celebrity wife and Katy didn’t blame Kris for living his dream. Things just didn’t work but they both knew that it wasn’t for lack of trying. They had love.

But sometimes Kris wonders too if love is ever enough. After Katy, he dated around. He didn’t limit himself to just girls. He dated boys too and this was how he discovered that he preferred his companions with no breasts and a dick. No one was even surprised when he and Adam entered into a relationship. It wasn’t like the fiction written about them. Their story was less about love and passion and more about companionship and friendship. The truth is, though, that Kris wonders if this is the real reason they didn’t last or if it’s the excuse he gives himself for letting go of the best thing that ever happened to him. Even then he knew that he was in love with Adam. He found it easier to be himself, to breathe and to exist whenever Adam was around but that didn’t stop him from having his doubts.

He used to believe in a forever-love with Katy and when that didn’t work, he was left with an understanding that love is a fleeting feeling and that it comes and goes as it pleases. He guesses that he learned that lesson wrong and tested it on the only person who’s loved him unconditionally since they met. Being thirty and without Adam by his side sucks and Kris finds himself wishing for a falling star or better yet, wishing for Adam.

Kris is pulled out of his reverie when he sees a bottle of beer being placed onto his hand and it causes him to look up and he sees Adam. It would be a load of bullshit if he said that their break-up left the same friendship they had during Idol in the aftermath. They haven’t talked as much since they broke up. Idol gave them a lot things, most especially what used to be their epic friendship but it also jump started what would pull them apart, leaving them trying to grasp for something solid and ending up with hands clenching air, their careers. They still have a bond, yes, in Kris’ mind, there is absolutely no way to destroy a connection like theirs, something built on an experience that is only theirs in the purest of senses but life still happened and friends got pushed into the back of one’s mind to make space for fulfilling one’s dreams.

“Stop thinking, darling. You might just implode on me.” Adam says. “I wouldn’t know how to explain to your guests why the celebrant is a puddle of flesh on the floor when they start looking for you.” Adam stops and drinks from his own bottle of beer. Kris wonders when Adam started to like beer since he always drank weird mixed drinks before.

Taking a pull from his bottle of beer, Kris chuckles and puts the bottle down. He stands in front of Adam and holds out a hand to him. He wouldn’t open his arms for a hug, he doesn’t think he should. He used to hug Adam in greeting and as a farewell when they were really close friends and used kiss him when they were more but right now he doesn’t know if he still has the right to ask for that. He looks up and he sees Adam smirking at him, raising an eyebrow and in a flash he’s engulfed in Adam’s arms and he suddenly forgets how to breathe. “Adam, dude, I-uh-I—“ And Kris suddenly realizes that his eloquence has left the building and that getting a hug at least means that he’s still categorized as a close friend in Adam’s head.

“Just hug me back, Kris.” Adam whispers and Kris couldn’t dive in fast enough. He realizes that he’s been trying to rationalize everything in his life for the duration of time he spends staring at the sky while sitting on his balcony. He kind of forgets how to just be the laidback person he used to be. Having Adam hug him within an inch of his life reminds him of those days and he misses that, misses who he used to be, who Adam inspired him to be and feeling kind of scared because he doesn’t really know who he has become since he’s been without Adam.

“Happy birthday, baby. I missed you.” Adam’s honesty, after all these years, is refreshing and it almost leaves Kris speechless but before he can stop himself he replies with a very heartfelt I miss you too. Adam always made talking easy for Kris. It wasn’t just because he made Kris comfortable. Conversations with Adam have always been really about the talking and the sharing. Kris felt that whenever he expressed himself, Adam listened simply to understand him and know him for who he was. Adam didn’t expect Kris to be nice or funny or interesting. With his amazingly blue eyes and equally expressive face, Adam shows Kris, time and time again, that he feels honored and thankful for the fact that Kris is willing to include him in his life. He realizes he’s been thinking too much that he forgot to let Adam go and so he does. He steps back and looks at the man he pushed away months ago.

“Say something, Kris.”

“Stay, Adam.”

“As in, overnight right? Sure.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“Then clear it up for me, Kris, because there is only so much of this I can take.”

“I know I just turned thirty but there’s been a question I’ve been trying to answer since the party started.”

“Which is what exactly?”

“What is truly important to me when I dare remind myself that I am human and wouldn’t be around for very long?”

“What’s your answer, baby?”

“It’s you, Adam.”

“Then why did you push me away?”

“Because I was too afraid that if I asked you to stay, you’d say no. Because every time you weren’t there, I feel like I’m moving without purpose and every time you were there, I found my purpose but I couldn’t move because—because—.”

“What are you trying to say, Kris?”

“What I’m saying is that, I love you Adam and that you’re what’s important, not my fears or my doubts and not my past. Just you. Just you, with me.”

“I love you too, baby, so to ease at least one of your fears for now, ask me, Kris.”

“Ask you wha—oh. Will you stay, Adam?”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe soon I'll post the complete version of my first completed comment fic, LOL. If I actually get to finish fixing it.


End file.
